If you, for whatever reason, were up reading my blog at 12:44 last night you will have already heard about my impending dentist appointment. If not, I have a dentist appointment today and I am a complete wreck.
Every time I have to go to the dentist I seem to cause a substantial amount of emotional grief and pain throughout my family and even extending into some close friends and neighbors. I don't know what my problem is, I really don't. I wasn't always like this. There was a glorious time in my past when I could go into the dentist’s office with a minimal amount of fear or even stress knowing that I would eventually emerge relatively unscathed. Sadly, those days have gone. Now the days leading up to even a simple cleaning cause stress induced, dentist related dreams, anxiety, paranoia, and plain fear. I think I really just want pity, for someone to understand my pain and fear. However, that's not going to happen because this particular fear clearly has no basis in logic so no amount of trying to make me feel better will work and that much pity just seems fake. And guess what my friends! Tomorrow, at 10:45 a.m. I have to get a filling!!! If only you could hear the dramatic way I say that and the terrifying background music that goes with it!
I’m screwed.
So not only is this a trip to the dentist, this is a super scary trip to the dentist where I have to be drilled upon by the mustachioed dentist himself instead of merely scrapped at by the ponytailed hygienist. This trip will involve my two very least favorite and absolute most terrifying parts of any dentist appointment ever: Novocain and power tools. Everyone hates the noise a dentist drill makes, I'm not going to try to tell you how awful it is because every human being is born innately knowing that the screeching of a drill through the enamel of teeth is the worst sound that can ever be inflicted upon one's eardrums. To combat this noise I plan to anchor my earphones firmly in my ear holes (technical term) and crank up a special dentist playlist of rock and roll. However, I do not kid myself that this will block out all of the noise because, as any good singer knows, any vibrations in your mouth/throat will also vibrate all the other bones in your head/jaw and you will hear those too.
The other most awful part of this trip is the Novocain. Now I know you are all thinking, "No, Novocain is good! Then you don't feel the drill!" Yeah, that is nice. Don't get me wrong, I certainly wouldn’t want to get a filling sans Novocain but I'm assuming that there are laws that prevent that from happening in the first place so I'm just going to consider it a part, a very big part of this procedure. I hate basically everything about Novocain. For starters it's a freaking shot into your gums! Ew! And they have to numb you with that crappy topical numbing stuff before they can even really numb you with the Novocain. Does that seem wrong to anyone else? And how horrific is it that you can taste the bitterness of the drug through the flesh of your gums?! Again, ew. Not to mention, Novocain makes you numb. I hate being numb! In nature, if a part of your body is numb you're going to die! Or, at the very least, that part is going to fall off of you. That's a bad thing and that's why your body makes it such a disconcerting sensation, so hopefully you notice and take the rubber band off your wrist before your hand falls off. And when all of that is going on in your mouth of all places not only do you feel like your face is falling off, you drool too. And you look like you're having a stroke. Oh the shame!
These are the things I think of most in the dentist's chair while the minutes crawl by, taking their sweet time, and then stop to have a look at the girl who got bit in the face by a snake... oh wait, that's a different dentist story for a different day. Enjoy these people’s dentist humor... and think of me...pity me.
Also,
-I CAN'T FEEL MY FACE!!! <-- Click on it!
Oh dear God, Cailey! Could you BE more dramatic?
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