London's Position in the Spacetime Continuum

I am writing here to announce to the world some shocking scientific news. There is a very powerful space-time anomaly which is effecting the entire city of London.

Frankly, I am shocked that physicists haven't evacuated the whole city to conduct further testing. I don't know how long this has been going on but I can only surmise that it has been quite some time based upon the reactions, or lack thereof, from the native Londoners.

As evidentiary support for this claim, which, I realize, must seem fantastic, I lay out for you these three events which I have experienced first hand and whose validity I fully attest to.

Exhibit A: Waterloo Train Station

     A few weeks back Sarah and I went to a wine and cheese festival in Southbank (think London Eye and Across the river from parliament). After feasting on cheese and, well, not wine, I decided to take a bus rather than the Tube back to my place because it's cheaper and more scenic if not faster. Waterloo is a big station and is serviced by several bus stops. After a quick consultation with the map I found a bus going to Islington Angel which stopped at Waterloo Road which appeared to be just around the corner from where I was standing. So I set off and 10 minutes later found myself wrapping back around the enormous train station with Waterloo road no where to be found. So I turned around to look once more at the map.
On my way back around the station I start to notice signs saying things like "lift to Waterloo road" and pointing back into the station. So I went into the train station from the outside world at ground level, turned immediately right 180 degrees and went down an escalator. At the foot of the escalator I found my bus stop right outside. Now if you were following along, you, like me, would have been confused as to how I could have gone down from the ground floor and not actually gone underground. By all reason it seems that the street I had previously walked on in search of Waterloo Road should have been right above me but, alas, blur sky. Clearly the laws of space do not apply here.

Exhibit B: The Infinite Church Bells

     Obviously, London is a very old city. There seems to be a historic church on every corner. Many of these churches were built in a time before clock towers and certainly before watches and came equipped with a full set of bells which would ring to mark every quarter hour. Though some of these bells have been removed or no longer ring for any number of other reasons the sound of tolling bells is still very much common place   throughout London.
     As the intelligent readers that you are I am sure you are familiar with how church bells work. Every 15 minutes they toll out a short melody comprised mainly of perfect fifths and every hour on the hour one of the larger bells is stuck repeatedly to mark the hour of the day. Thus, the most strokes of a large bell you should ever expect to hear at once is 12, at noon and midnight. How then am I to explain the day Emily and I passed a church in Chelsea and heard its large bell struck at regular intervals for at least 2 full minutes? The only reason for a the bells to chime for that long is that they were marking a million o'clock, time works differently here.

Exhibit C: December You Say?

     My stay here in London is allotted to last for 3 months, from September 19th to December 18th. By my recollection I arrived here last week and have just begun to settle into my new home. But then, this very morning, I have a look at the calender (who am I kidding, no one has calenders anymore, it was my phone) and what do I see glaring back at me other than the date "Thursday, December 1". Ha! Another of London's impossible time tricks I say! Surely two and a half months have not gone by already. I will be the first to admit that time does, in fact, fly when you're having fun and I have been seeing and doing some pretty incredible things since I've been here to be sure. But, by all logic, it surely cannot be December first if time has been moving in the way that I am accustomed to, that is to say 60 seconds to a minute, 60 minutes to an hour, 24 hours to a day, and so on. Indeed, were time functioning in this way I would still have plenty of time left before I return to the U.S. to explore this fascinating city and the rest of the UK, but with less than three weeks left this is simply not the case.

With this evidence taken well to heart I am completely confident in my conclusion that some thing is deeply amiss within the very fabric of spacetime here in London, England. There is obviously nothing that I, nor anyone else, can do about this strange phenomenon so my only logical option is to go along for the ride. That's why, from this moment on, all I can do is enjoy to the fullest every last minute, however long that is, that I have in this wonderful place, where ever this is.