How to Succeed in The British Education System Without Really Trying

What a terrible blogger I am. It is certainly not for lack of wondrous amazing experiences and adventures and funny British-isms that I haven't posted lately. It is for lack of time! I am writing this to you from the library at City University on what is quite likely the last day I will ever spend on this campus. I just finished with my psychology exam which was unfortunately difficult and has left me with what may be a permanent claw in the place of my hand. It's a testament to my commitment to you, my loyal readers, that I am typing this at all.

No. That's not true. I'm really just killing time before meeting up with a friend to go to a pub. But the bit about the really hard psych test was true... and my hand does still hurt. Here's the thing about this test. As an international student who is leaving in just a few days (yikes!) I got the pleasure of sitting said exam today, 3 days after the final class where as my peers won't be taking theirs until January 12th. So I got significantly less time to study which is not comforting when you are faced with some pretty tricky essay prompts. On top of that though, is the fact that British people, or at least those at City University, are total nutters about staging exams!

*Note: this is all 3 days old, I write it then forgot to post it but I feel that if I were to change the afore mentioned times now the post would lose some of its impact... also, I don't wanna change it all.*

You know you are in for a long two hours when you can't even figure out how to fill out the front of the exam booklet! Should you ever find yourself sitting a British exam here as some tips; ten minutes of reading time before the test begins does not mean you can review your notes, in that reading time all you are allowed to do is read the questions... for ten minutes. Also, during these ten minutes you are not allowed to make notes on the prompt, just stare at it. This was my first and only formal exam (thankfully) so these ten minutes were really baffling to me. After that initial confusion I set off on a whirlwind essay writing spree on a subject that, aside from the past 9 lectures, I have absolutely no background information on. It was exciting! The rest of those two hours is a blur of hand cramps and really wishing I had used the loo before the exam after all that tea. I literally wrote scrawled my last words the moment the administers called time. Whew! Glad that is done with! 

Here's the thing about the British education system, it's very different from America's system. I am not saying that either one is better or worse than the other. They are just different. I personally have been using the American system for the past 14 years so, naturally, attempting to operate in the British system straight away for just one term is a bit of a shock. I am used to going to any given class between 2 and 4 times a week and doing a bit of homework or a small assignment after each one. Here there is one class a week (usually for a grueling 3 hour lecture), one piece of course work (usually a short essay or presentation), and a final project (a longer essay or an exam). That's it, that's all your grade is based on. So yeah, there is a lot of pressure on those few assignments, not something I particularly enjoy.

So my friends, here is the answer to succeeding in the British education system without really trying; you don't. If you don't put in the effort you are going to crash and burn. But on the plus side, when you see a 70 mark on your paper, do not fret that you have barely even pulled a C. 70 is equivalent to an A here, it's a first level grade. The system does go all the way to 100 but some how marks higher than 70 are reserved for publish worthy, gilded, or magical documents. At least that's how I understand the system to work.

London's Position in the Spacetime Continuum

I am writing here to announce to the world some shocking scientific news. There is a very powerful space-time anomaly which is effecting the entire city of London.

Frankly, I am shocked that physicists haven't evacuated the whole city to conduct further testing. I don't know how long this has been going on but I can only surmise that it has been quite some time based upon the reactions, or lack thereof, from the native Londoners.

As evidentiary support for this claim, which, I realize, must seem fantastic, I lay out for you these three events which I have experienced first hand and whose validity I fully attest to.

Exhibit A: Waterloo Train Station

     A few weeks back Sarah and I went to a wine and cheese festival in Southbank (think London Eye and Across the river from parliament). After feasting on cheese and, well, not wine, I decided to take a bus rather than the Tube back to my place because it's cheaper and more scenic if not faster. Waterloo is a big station and is serviced by several bus stops. After a quick consultation with the map I found a bus going to Islington Angel which stopped at Waterloo Road which appeared to be just around the corner from where I was standing. So I set off and 10 minutes later found myself wrapping back around the enormous train station with Waterloo road no where to be found. So I turned around to look once more at the map.
On my way back around the station I start to notice signs saying things like "lift to Waterloo road" and pointing back into the station. So I went into the train station from the outside world at ground level, turned immediately right 180 degrees and went down an escalator. At the foot of the escalator I found my bus stop right outside. Now if you were following along, you, like me, would have been confused as to how I could have gone down from the ground floor and not actually gone underground. By all reason it seems that the street I had previously walked on in search of Waterloo Road should have been right above me but, alas, blur sky. Clearly the laws of space do not apply here.

Exhibit B: The Infinite Church Bells

     Obviously, London is a very old city. There seems to be a historic church on every corner. Many of these churches were built in a time before clock towers and certainly before watches and came equipped with a full set of bells which would ring to mark every quarter hour. Though some of these bells have been removed or no longer ring for any number of other reasons the sound of tolling bells is still very much common place   throughout London.
     As the intelligent readers that you are I am sure you are familiar with how church bells work. Every 15 minutes they toll out a short melody comprised mainly of perfect fifths and every hour on the hour one of the larger bells is stuck repeatedly to mark the hour of the day. Thus, the most strokes of a large bell you should ever expect to hear at once is 12, at noon and midnight. How then am I to explain the day Emily and I passed a church in Chelsea and heard its large bell struck at regular intervals for at least 2 full minutes? The only reason for a the bells to chime for that long is that they were marking a million o'clock, time works differently here.

Exhibit C: December You Say?

     My stay here in London is allotted to last for 3 months, from September 19th to December 18th. By my recollection I arrived here last week and have just begun to settle into my new home. But then, this very morning, I have a look at the calender (who am I kidding, no one has calenders anymore, it was my phone) and what do I see glaring back at me other than the date "Thursday, December 1". Ha! Another of London's impossible time tricks I say! Surely two and a half months have not gone by already. I will be the first to admit that time does, in fact, fly when you're having fun and I have been seeing and doing some pretty incredible things since I've been here to be sure. But, by all logic, it surely cannot be December first if time has been moving in the way that I am accustomed to, that is to say 60 seconds to a minute, 60 minutes to an hour, 24 hours to a day, and so on. Indeed, were time functioning in this way I would still have plenty of time left before I return to the U.S. to explore this fascinating city and the rest of the UK, but with less than three weeks left this is simply not the case.

With this evidence taken well to heart I am completely confident in my conclusion that some thing is deeply amiss within the very fabric of spacetime here in London, England. There is obviously nothing that I, nor anyone else, can do about this strange phenomenon so my only logical option is to go along for the ride. That's why, from this moment on, all I can do is enjoy to the fullest every last minute, however long that is, that I have in this wonderful place, where ever this is.