If you, for whatever reason, were up reading my blog at 12:44 last night you will have already heard about my impending dentist appointment. If not, I have a dentist appointment today and I am a complete wreck.
Every time I have to go to the dentist I seem to cause a substantial amount of emotional grief and pain throughout my family and even extending into some close friends and neighbors. I don't know what my problem is, I really don't. I wasn't always like this. There was a glorious time in my past when I could go into the dentist’s office with a minimal amount of fear or even stress knowing that I would eventually emerge relatively unscathed. Sadly, those days have gone. Now the days leading up to even a simple cleaning cause stress induced, dentist related dreams, anxiety, paranoia, and plain fear. I think I really just want pity, for someone to understand my pain and fear. However, that's not going to happen because this particular fear clearly has no basis in logic so no amount of trying to make me feel better will work and that much pity just seems fake. And guess what my friends! Tomorrow, at 10:45 a.m. I have to get a filling!!! If only you could hear the dramatic way I say that and the terrifying background music that goes with it!
I’m screwed.
So not only is this a trip to the dentist, this is a super scary trip to the dentist where I have to be drilled upon by the mustachioed dentist himself instead of merely scrapped at by the ponytailed hygienist. This trip will involve my two very least favorite and absolute most terrifying parts of any dentist appointment ever: Novocain and power tools. Everyone hates the noise a dentist drill makes, I'm not going to try to tell you how awful it is because every human being is born innately knowing that the screeching of a drill through the enamel of teeth is the worst sound that can ever be inflicted upon one's eardrums. To combat this noise I plan to anchor my earphones firmly in my ear holes (technical term) and crank up a special dentist playlist of rock and roll. However, I do not kid myself that this will block out all of the noise because, as any good singer knows, any vibrations in your mouth/throat will also vibrate all the other bones in your head/jaw and you will hear those too.
The other most awful part of this trip is the Novocain. Now I know you are all thinking, "No, Novocain is good! Then you don't feel the drill!" Yeah, that is nice. Don't get me wrong, I certainly wouldn’t want to get a filling sans Novocain but I'm assuming that there are laws that prevent that from happening in the first place so I'm just going to consider it a part, a very big part of this procedure. I hate basically everything about Novocain. For starters it's a freaking shot into your gums! Ew! And they have to numb you with that crappy topical numbing stuff before they can even really numb you with the Novocain. Does that seem wrong to anyone else? And how horrific is it that you can taste the bitterness of the drug through the flesh of your gums?! Again, ew. Not to mention, Novocain makes you numb. I hate being numb! In nature, if a part of your body is numb you're going to die! Or, at the very least, that part is going to fall off of you. That's a bad thing and that's why your body makes it such a disconcerting sensation, so hopefully you notice and take the rubber band off your wrist before your hand falls off. And when all of that is going on in your mouth of all places not only do you feel like your face is falling off, you drool too. And you look like you're having a stroke. Oh the shame!
These are the things I think of most in the dentist's chair while the minutes crawl by, taking their sweet time, and then stop to have a look at the girl who got bit in the face by a snake... oh wait, that's a different dentist story for a different day. Enjoy these people’s dentist humor... and think of me...pity me.
Also,
-I CAN'T FEEL MY FACE!!! <-- Click on it!
8.18.2011
I still have all of my fingers!
It's been a quiet summer around these parts. I'm not sorry.
Well, maybe I'm a little sorry.
Before I took the plunge into the already jam packed, luke-warm from body heat, virtual version of a Japanese swiming pool that is "the blogosphere", I decided that I would only write when I was feeling inspired or had something really good to write about. This tactic was to prevent this blog from becoming too much like all the other luke-warm blogs that are actually little more than diaries and journals that any poor soul can stumble upon. Because, let's face it, that is a recipe for disaster... and extreme boredom verging on who-gives-a-flying-fart-in-space-ness.
So, that's why I'm not sorry I haven't posted in a while. Clearly, I have not felt all that compelled to write. Therefore, anything I would have written in the parallel universe where I actually contributed to the blogosphere this summer most likely would have been completely sub par. Much like this post is now, but I don't feel bad because it's late and this is mostly fueled by an extreme will not to go to sleep because doing so will only bring tomorrow morning's dentist appointment, and all of its affiliated doom and terror, around all the more rapidly. Well, maybe I feel a little bad because you spent 2 minutes (give or take depending on how fast you read) reading this drivel and you can never get that time back. For that I am sorry.
The only reason that I'm maybe a little sorry for my lack of posts is that by no means have I had an uneventful or uninspiring summer. There were certainly an abundance of moments and events and ideas that I was compelled to write about. But I didn't. Probably because I forgot... or I was being lazy... or a honey badger ate my typing fingers. Yeah, proabably one of those things happened. (Hint: I'm typing this with my own fingers). So for being that lame, I am sorry. A little.
The good news is now I have a backlog of stories to write about in case of future dry spells (not that I'm foreseeing any of course). Plus, I'm getting ready to do a lot of cool stuff in the very near future so there's a lot of (hopefully) entertaining material there too!
My point is, I haven't forgotten about you (Mom) and this blog hasn't been completely abandoned so stay tuned because I'm gearing up for some big things!
*This is a hint as to what exactly I'm gearing up for, click if you dare!*
Well, maybe I'm a little sorry.
Before I took the plunge into the already jam packed, luke-warm from body heat, virtual version of a Japanese swiming pool that is "the blogosphere", I decided that I would only write when I was feeling inspired or had something really good to write about. This tactic was to prevent this blog from becoming too much like all the other luke-warm blogs that are actually little more than diaries and journals that any poor soul can stumble upon. Because, let's face it, that is a recipe for disaster... and extreme boredom verging on who-gives-a-flying-fart-in-space-ness.
So, that's why I'm not sorry I haven't posted in a while. Clearly, I have not felt all that compelled to write. Therefore, anything I would have written in the parallel universe where I actually contributed to the blogosphere this summer most likely would have been completely sub par. Much like this post is now, but I don't feel bad because it's late and this is mostly fueled by an extreme will not to go to sleep because doing so will only bring tomorrow morning's dentist appointment, and all of its affiliated doom and terror, around all the more rapidly. Well, maybe I feel a little bad because you spent 2 minutes (give or take depending on how fast you read) reading this drivel and you can never get that time back. For that I am sorry.
The only reason that I'm maybe a little sorry for my lack of posts is that by no means have I had an uneventful or uninspiring summer. There were certainly an abundance of moments and events and ideas that I was compelled to write about. But I didn't. Probably because I forgot... or I was being lazy... or a honey badger ate my typing fingers. Yeah, proabably one of those things happened. (Hint: I'm typing this with my own fingers). So for being that lame, I am sorry. A little.
The good news is now I have a backlog of stories to write about in case of future dry spells (not that I'm foreseeing any of course). Plus, I'm getting ready to do a lot of cool stuff in the very near future so there's a lot of (hopefully) entertaining material there too!
My point is, I haven't forgotten about you (Mom) and this blog hasn't been completely abandoned so stay tuned because I'm gearing up for some big things!
*This is a hint as to what exactly I'm gearing up for, click if you dare!*
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